Slef Love Bouquet

Flying Solo is an exhilarating experience!

There was interesting, off beat news last week something which we all crave for, for different reasons.  A young lady announced she would marry herself this month. It was all over the news. Everyone was taken aback, when it first appeared, and they wanted to know the why and how of it. Naturally, it raised temperatures, tempers and TRPs as anything out of the ordinary does. It may be new in India, but not elsewhere. And given our penchant for learning new words, be they bad or good, we quickly learnt two new words, and mind you not from our regular Wordsmith, but from the news – Autosexuality and Sologamy! One leaning into the other apparently!

It goes beyond Monogamy to place where most people have been before they entered into the blissful state of matri-money. The blissful state of Self-Love. More about that later, with Lager. Because that’s when it is seen / felt most.

It’s prima-facie, a marriage of convenience, immense convenience. In a nutshell, in this marriage, one of the me’s (there are several depending upon who I am interacting with) in me is going marry another me in me. Now for your convenience let’s call them ‘Fid’ and Sego (Freuds Id and Superego) They have tremendous faith and respect for each other, the absolute requirement for a happy marriage. One or the other could be dominant, if allowed to be, that is, but it balances out, I guess.

The bridal dance will be intense with a hologram to the tune of Bryan Adams ‘Everything I do, I do it for me…’

Surreptitious infidelity I suppose, is out, because the other me is a constant. So, the question remains as to how the marriage will be consummated. You have an entire week to ponder over that. I’ll give you a clue – Mind over matter!

Ok. Never mind.

But does this sologamy come from a solo game pronounced called Self Love? Because the other games people play according to Eric Berne are for so many other reasons – Power, Money and / or Prestige. That may give us a burn but its true, aren’t it? But we have to understand what it means, because most of us might be strangers to ourselves… and are treated by us accordingly!

Basically, it means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness and not sacrificing your wellbeing to please others – remind you of anyone, other than yourself? Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve and who else but yourself do you deserve?

It’s one step removed from Narcissism which needs outside validation and therefore narcissists are always almost never married – they don’t handle criticism very well, and that is a given in Marriage – not even criticism of themselves by themselves – because that would disturb their internal mind map!  

Self-Love means different things to different people but overall, it’s all about taking care of yourself, more than others! Like picking a candy from the plate before passing it around? That way you don’t have to wait for it to come around. It may be empty too! Each one takes care of himself / herself in different ways and this manifests itself according to plan – not his own! Though one might be forgiven for thinking it is one’s own.

For some it could mean talking constantly to themselves – gossiping, counselling, questioning, suggesting, brainstorming with love of course. Giving advice and taking it or ignoring it. Not judging yourself, whilst looking in the mirror, except positively. Mirror -Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? is distinct from a Narcissist asking Mitron Mitron who is the best man of them all? The Internal vs External.

If you are in love with yourself, it will be evident. You will be nice to yourself. You will keep yourself healthy, wealthy, and wise. You will exercise and diet, but cheat at both once in while, without feeling guilty. And you will forgive yourself quickly when you commit a blunder – maybe even a major one! You are just bee-ing nice to yourself. All honey and no sting! You might even live without blaming others for your faults!

These are signs that you are filled with self-love, single and ready to mingle. But who would want to marry you, when they recognize the signs and the manifestations of self-love? They might back out fearing subsequent loneliness as you invest time in yourself rather than them. And that’s when it’s time to think of sologamy! Just figure out your degree of self-love and take a decision on marrying others or yourself!

Even if its yourself, it can be real and grand wedding. Have no fear.  Mehndi, Sangeeth, Pheras and all. Only a single chair up on stage and a large mirror. Keep the lights real dim. It’s still a real wedding with real guests and the whole gamut of ceremonies and spread of food, except that the groom and bride will be resident in the same person. Usually you marry a non-resident, but this might just be easier. No Jhanjhat! No compromises. Must be thankful though, that a trinity is not involved. Or maybe it is? With the Eyeballs on the Food Counters, no one else will notice but you. And not you too. Self-love is overpowering.

But as you are about to celebrate, a gentle reminder; today is World Food Safety Day – and if the wedding is today, do wash your hands, before and after you eat. Apparently 600 million people fall sick worldwide due to food safety issues.   The number may be smaller at the wedding as the food may have been prepared yesterday, and World Food Safety Day suggestions were not mandatory. No matter, so long as its tasty; usually in such circumstances, it is; try preparing the same at home and you will find the difference;  

And wipe your hands and your tears (because it’s over) with Tissue. I’ve found the box I couldn’t find last week. But I would suggest you use the hanky in your pocket. And that I do only because we’ve just crossed another annual milestone on June 5th – the celebration of the World Environment Day, even as we explore ways to pollute Mars. When man goes there, he will certainly be carrying a box of tissues certainly made from the trees on earth!

We may be wondering whether the tissue paper has an environmental impact or not, the answer is Yes. And what connection the environment has to self-love. The answer to that is, if you are filled with Self-love, you put the environment second. And I just wanted to remind you that it is just as important, given the milestone we just crossed.

Though the tissue paper are made from virgin pulp – Virgin forest – and recycled wastepaper, the fact is that the production of the tissue papers from virgin pulp emits 30% more greenhouse gases when recycled wastepaper is used. Like all paper products – now again touted as the safer alternative to plastic – they bio-degrade yes, but slowly because of the process by which it is made.

It is estimated that approx. 140 litters of water are needed to manufacture a single roll of toilet paper. So, it is better to wash than to wipe? But wipe you must after you wash! The average is two rolls a week and then there is the Face tissue – Two boxes a week, and you can’t mix them up – One has to be softer than the other! all together a USD 30 billion-dollar industry and we flush 27000 trees down the drain every day! Let’s keep that in Mind as we attend the wedding!

There’s enough here to think about for a week. Marriage as a holographical Mirage, Paper as a useful Caper, and of course food as much as you could!

Until next week then


This Article is written in the lighter vein. It hopes to bring a smile to your face, and you must not ascribe motives to its contents. There is no connection to events and characters in real life and if perchance you find a connect with any such real-life event or character, rest assured its purely coincidental.

Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

Published by

Brian Fernandes

Brian is VO artist, Content Writer, Ad Copy Writer, a very productive author with a wide and varied output, an EQ and Leadership Trainer, a life skills Coach, a manager and a leader, with a visible track record. Brian is currently a Director of the Spearhead Media Pvt. Ltd, a Media Company that owns and runs media brands,, Karnataka Today, NK+ and NKTv a web based video channel, Verdevice - a Branding powerhouse and Spearhead Academy - a digital platform that offers short term learning solutions for personal growth Brian is an alumnus of Roshni Nilaya’s Post Graduate School of Social Work, HR Department and has 35 years of local and international HR and General Management experience. He is NET Certified for lectureship and has recently qualified as MEPSC Level 5 Trainer. Journalism , poetry, and Fiction and Feature writing is a passion which he is now able to pursue at will. Additionally, he loves compering and hosting talk shows. Its all in a day’s work for him. He loves learning and imparting it; so, when time permits, he provides leadership facilitation and soft skills training to Postgraduate students and Corporates in Mangalore and Bangalore. He is an accomplished Toastmaster under the aegis of the and is a designated Distinguished Toast Master. He is also the Internal Quality council member of his Alma Mater Roshni Nilaya and a member of the Board of Studies of the English Department, St. Agnes College for PG studies, Mangalore.

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